I like to think of myself as a very flexible person; think Elastigirl. I honestly don't always mind last minute get togethers, set times being changed, plans being canceled. But I am finding what I think I am and what I really am are quite a bit different. I have learned to roll with the punches a lot better then I used to, but many days I get bent all out of shape when things don't go as planned or as I think they should.
This morning I decided to get the kids out of the house and take them to the beach. My plan of attack was that they would be all worn out from the beach and crash when they got home; which they usually do. I was looking forward to some nice quiet time to read, write and catch up on some laundry. To my surprise and dismay neither of my nappers: Luke and Simeon, fell asleep. I gave them baths, fed them, read to them and laid them in their beds; but no. There were no shut eyelids or chubby cheeks fanned by long eyelashes, no chests rising and falling with deep breaths, just 5 kids all wide awake; still in need of my attention.
Of course now, after a lot of tears and tantrums from being over tired, Simeon is crashed on the couch and Luke is on my bed after nursing him and slowly inching away from him one body part at a time. Which you know means that they will now be up till midnight. What really gets me is that no matter how hard I try to implement good routines and plans they just don't always work.
Sometimes I underestimate how much I look forward to my deserved time by myself. I get up early but Luke wakes up early too, I put him in his crib and let him cry it out but he keeps making himself throw up, I feed my kids a delicious and filling meal but they are still hungry an hour later. This is when I start to lose it and wonder why I can't get a break?? I try so hard to put their needs above mine, to make the extra effort to have time by myself when they are asleep, to multitask and prioritize.
No matter how much I plan, scheme and strategize to get my needs met while also meeting theirs, there are going to be times when I have to gracefully let go of what I have envisioned taking place. It's not always easy and most of the time I am a big baby when I don't get my me time but I am slowly learning that it's okay. I will be okay. I will be okay if I don't get that quiet time I was so longing for. I will be okay if I don't get to go running or workout. I will be okay if I don't get to write all the thoughts and blog posts swirling around in my head. Yes, I feel great when things do go as planned and I do need my me time... but it shouldn't determine my attitude towards my children who just need me.
I have learned the most valuable lessons of my life when things haven't gone as I have planned. I am so thankful for those lessons, though usually not during them. It's easy to act gracefully when things go according to plan but not quite so much when they don't. Obviously God knows I need a lot of work in this area because he keeps changing my plans. I hope I have showed some improvement but I am totally aware that I don't always respond as I should in certain situations. I can get easily frustrated when I can't find something I am looking for. I can lose my patience and yell at my children when they don't listen. I can say things without thinking when I am lacking food or sleep. I can whine and cry when things don't go my way.
Things didn't go as I planned today. I didn't have the best attitude or respond in the best way but I am thankful that God's grace was there for me today and will be there for me tomorrow.
If your day didn't go as planned either, take heart mama...God's grace is there for you too.
"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21
"My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9(NIV)
Do you freak out when things don't go as you have planned?
Linking up with these great link parties: Thriving Thursday, Grace and Truth , Faithful at Home Fridays, favorite things friday, Mama Moments Monday, Words with Winter, Looking up Link Up, The Art of Homemaking Mondays, Tuesday Talk