Confessions of a Scared Homeschool Mom

Every school year I start to panic... how am I going to teach my children; keep up with my house and all my other responsibilities??

I am blessed with an 8 year old boy,6 year old boy, 3 year old girl, 21 month old boy and another boy due in November... though they are the joy of my life you see why I might have some reason to panic?

Most days I am happy if I can get them all clothed, fed and keep the house from being condemned.

I know that homeschooling is not for everyone and that God calls us all in different directions for our family, there is no one right way. So every year I cry out to God and my husband asking them if this is what is right for us. It's not that I don't want to homeschool it's just that I don't know if I can. But deep down I know that God has given me such a gift to be able to stay home with my children and be in control of what they are learning. So though I might be kicking and screaming I figure if God wants me to do this He will stretch and pull me to do what I can't.

In a perfect world I imagine smooth running mornings: breakfast, devotions, cleaning up without any resistance, opening books, little minds ready to listen and learn without any fight, littler ones playing quietly and contentedly while I sit with the older ones explaining vowels, math facts,ecosystems, Christopher Columbus and places called India.

My children happily obey my instructions and easily grasp what they are learning. Their eyes light up and they become excited to enter this world of facts, problem solving, history, experimenting, numbers and words.

A crash of toys, crying and the screaming of my name given to me by birthing these little people awakens me to the reality that all will not go as I always envision. While I try to control myself from screaming back and losing my patience which I am not very successful at; I attempt to soothe hurts, make peace and discipline where needed.

My perfect little world of learning will not always be perfect. There will be squabbling over who sits where, complaining that the pencils don't work, a constant need of snacks, hands too tired to lift up said pencil, eyes unwilling to open and read, minds not comprehending a word I am saying, bottoms not able to sit still, the sudden need to go to the bathroom, nap times not being respected, .... and here is where I start to panic and get scared and confess to God that I can't do this.

Again he confirms to me that no, I can't and reminds me that:

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

He really must want his power to be made known...because I sure am weak!!!!

As I have cried out to him in my weakness and have been transparent before him, he has been so faithful to show me that he will be my strength and will give me exactly what I need. Yes, things might get hairy at times and I might feel like throwing in the towel but most of what I fear is in my mind. Giving up control, letting go and not giving in to fear is what is key.

As the dreaded start of school was soon to be upon me, God clearly spoke to me and encouraged me once again through his word:

" His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who has called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3

He will give me everything I need! I don't have to worry!

So today was our first day of school and guess what?? It actually went really well! Yes, there were a few melt downs and unwilling scholars at times, but it went way better then I had anticipated! I even was able put Simeon down for a nap and I was so excited when I didn't hear any noise coming from him, but when I went to check on him  2 hours later he was  actually just playing quietly in his crib with a big poop in his diaper... but hey, at least he was being good..poor guy.

Wow! they are actually sitting still!

Hard at work

fun with letters

Whatever God has called you to do this year; know that he will give you everything you need, to accomplish what he has called you to!