When those cute little ones start to scream and throw a tantrum because they didn't get what they wanted and fight over who gets to sit in the cart.. you want that time to go fast... very fast.
But lately I just want time to slow down...way down, as I am reminded of what life is.
"What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14
As I hold my newborn baby in my arms I feel like time is slipping through my hands and no matter what I do I cant get a grasp on it...why wont it stop?
I smell his sweet, milky breath, feel his small, warm body next to mine and wish that babies could stay babies longer. If I could only bottle up his breath... I could make a fortune!
His little arms and legs are little no longer but are forming rolls and dimples. His smiles melt my heart. I feel guilty when I lay him down to get things done because I know each moment he is getting bigger and I don't want to miss a minute.
I love that my 2yr old son only wants mommy to comfort and give him attention. He wont always spread out his arms to show me how much he loves me or say in halting words, "want...you."
He won't always be content with a snuggle and a kiss from me to make his boo boos better.
So I must get all the snuggles and kisses in now that I can. I have to remind myself constantly that I can always stop what I am doing... but I cant stop him from growing.
I look at my beautiful 3yr old daughter with her fun, adorable personality and wish I could freeze time.
She already is obsessed with putting on lip gloss and nail polish.
She can twist me around her little finger as she turns the tears on and off as she sees a need. Its hard to say no when she is just so stink'n cute...yes, she is probably spoiled.
I think ahead to her wedding day and cry. I am afraid to blink because if I do that day will be here and she wont be little and innocent any more.
I look forward to seeing her grow and mature into a beautiful woman but oh how I will miss these days!
A sweet 6yr old boy runs into the house to show me his latest catch... a frog and a lizard. I try to show my enthusiasm for his amazing animal skills and listen as he tells me all about them. As he runs back outside he calls out, "I love you mommy!"
I try not to show my aggravation as I give him the same answer for the same question he has been asking me all day..."I don't know!!!!" Why wont he believe me?
He constantly calls me to come and see his latest Lego creation or fish drawing which I have to say always impresses me and makes me proud of his talents, but as he goes on and on about some random Lego Star Wars fact, I find myself incoherently saying, Oh cool, that's awesome! ... trying to show some interest.
Sometimes its so hard for me to give them my undivided attention... school work needs to be finished, dinner has to be made, the dishes wont wash themselves, laundry has to be put away.
I find myself continually saying, " Just a minute and I'll be right there, I just have to do one more thing."
I am with them all day but I can still be very far away in my actions and thoughts... thinking and worrying about ME and MY needs and all that I have to do.
Some days I count down the hours to when I can put them to bed just to have some quiet. 6:00 isn't to early is it?
When you have a house full of people looking to you to meet their needs it can be overwhelming and hard to be focused on one thing or person at a time.
I have been asking God to help me to be more present in these literal moments that make up our lives.
To really look my children in the eyes when they are talking to me... and listen.
To hug them when they want or need a hug.
To actually listen to both sides of the story before making a rash judgment.
To ask what happened when they get hurt or are crying instead of saying, "you're all right."
To not always say, " That wouldn't have happened if you had just listened to me."
To not always tell them what they are doing wrong.
To show them how they should live, not just tell them.
Sometimes I wish there was a Neverland! Where children remain children and don't have to grow up and face the cares of this world. I wish they could just stay sweet and innocent. I wish their only problem was deciding what they are going to have for dessert. I wish I had all the time in the world to become the perfect mom.
But then I remember that God didn't create us for this world... but for heaven.
He is transforming them and myself everyday... through the trials, the pain, the dirt, the laundry, the squabbles, the spills and the tears... to be more like Jesus.
Though there are many days that I wish I could go back in time and do over and many days to come that I am sure I will mess up and fail; I am so thankful for this short time I have been given to make a difference for eternity in these little lives.
I want to make the most of these days that will turn into memories all too quickly.
In each day, hour and minute..learning to love and be loved... to need and to be needed...to grow and to learn...to give and to receive...to put others first and myself last...to treasure these precious passing moments...because they sure go by fast!